DON’T ATTACK ME WITH YOUR HAPPINESS

Ben kingsley

War on tourism

I turned you gay

DARTH Space In-vader

Clone U

FAMOUS BABY

GIRL BALLS

ROCK BOTTOM

DON’T ATTACK ME WITH YOUR HAPPINESS (lyrics) ©

I AM AN ARTIST.  I’M CLINICALLY DEPRESSED.  I’M SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC AND COMULSIVLY OBSESSED.  BUT I AM CREATIVE, GOT POST TRAUMATIC STRESS, HAVE SEVERAL PERSONALITIES AND RAGE THAT I SUPRESS.

DON’T ATTACK ME WITH YOUR HAPPINESS! 
I WANT YOU ALL TO SUFFER FOR MY ART
DON’T RAPE ME WITH YOUR GLAD
ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE JUST ANOTHER KIND OF SAD

EX-BOYFRIEND REUNINION TOUR
I’LL FUCK TO SHAKE YOUR HAND
I’M AN ALCOHOLIC, DRUG ADDICTED…STILL MY BIGGEST FAN
I’M A SCHIZOPHRENIC PSYCHOPATH
MIGHT KILL YOU IN MY SLEEP
I STALK YOU CAUSE I LOVE YOU
IT JUST MEANS I’M REALLY DEEP

DON’T ATTACK ME WITH YOUR HAPPINESS! 
I WANT YOU ALL TO SUFFER FOR MY ART
DON’T RAPE ME WITH YOUR GLAD
ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE JUST ANOTHER KIND OF SAD

I’M A SUICIDE THREAT
I’M A DRAMA QUEEN
I’M AN EMOTIONAL TERRORIST
WHAT CAN I SAY?
I’VE GOT SHOWBIZ IN MY GENES!
(IN MY JEANS!)

I’M AN ENTERTAINER
HAVE ISSUES WITH MY MOTHER
HAVE HIGH HIGHS AND LOW LOWS
HAVE ADD AND ALSO WANT TO KILL MYSELF
BUT THE ADD USUALLY DISTRACTS….
WHAT WAS I GOING TO SAY?

DON’T DISTRACT ME WITH YOUR HAPPINESS! 
I WANT YOU ALL TO SUFFER FOR MY ART
DON’T RAPE ME WITH YOUR GLAD

ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE JUST ANOTHER KIND OF SAD

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Ben kingsley (lyrics) ©

No one respects a slave, unless he’s played by morgan freeman
and no one respects a nazi, unless he’s played by ralph fiennes
and no one respects a queer, unless he’s played by tom Hanks
and no one respects an indian or a jew, unless their played by, ben kingsley
ben kingsley. (repeats)
no one respects a fat man, unless he’s played by john goodman
and no one respects a retard, unless he’s played by leonardo dicaprio
and no one respects a woman…(nah, no one respecsts woman)
and no one respects an indian or a jew, unless their played by ben kingsley

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War on tourism (lyrics) ©

(spoken before: “HEY EVERYBODY!  IT’S TERRORIST SEASON HERE IN NEW YORK CITY…OOPS!  DID I SAY ‘TERRORIST’?  I MEAN’T ‘TOURIST’!!)

I WAS GOING ABOUT MY DAY IN THE SAME OLD USUAL WAY
WALKED 5 BLOCKS TO THE G TRAIN BROKEN UMBRELLA IN THE RAIN
I WAITED AND WAITED AND WAITED AND WAITED AND WAIT,
WHAT’S THAT THERE?
AN UNATENDED PACKAGE NEXT TO THE SUBWAY STAIRS
AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF

SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING
BUT NO ONE WAS THERE FOR ME TO SAY SOMETHING TO
SEE SOMETHING SAY SOMETHING
THE ATTENDANT HAD BEEN REPLACED BY A MACHINE
SO WHAT WAS I TO DO

I WENT OVER TO THE PACKAGE TO LISTEN FOR A BOMB
AND SURE AS I AM SURE IT WAS MEOWING LIKE A BOMB (KITTEN MEOWS OVER AND OVER)
I KNEW RIGHT THEN AND THERE
I WAS GOING TO BE A HERO
I HAD TO STOP THAT BOMB FROM MEOWING DOWN TO ZERO (KITTEN MEOWS)

SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING
BUT NO ONE WAS THERE FOR ME TO SAY SOMETHING TO
SEE SOMETHING SAY SOMETHING
THE ATTENDANT HAD BEEN REPLACED BY A MACHINE
SO WHAT WAS I TO DO

I RAN UP THE SUBWAY STEPS AND OUT INTO THE STREET
I YELLED “IT’S A BOMB!” THE BOMB HISSED AND PEED
I RAN DOWN TO THE RIVER
THE TOURISTS IN SHOCK AND AWE
 I THREW THE BOMB IN THE RIVER
(MEOWING, SPLASH, GURGLE)
THAT’S WHEN I SAW THAT TINY PAW

AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF

I SAW SOMETHING I DID SOMETHING
THE TOURISTS TWEETED PICS OF MY POOR DECISION
I SAW SOMETHING I DID SOMETHING
WHAT’S ONE KITTEN IN THE WAR ON TOURISM
THE WAR ON TERRISM
THE WAR ON TOURISM!!!

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I turned you gay (lyrics) ©

waiting for the train to arrive, i sigh and i smile and i look in your eyes.
we sit and i tell you a joke, and you laugh and we smile while we sit and smoke
and talk about the good old times, when penny’s were nickles and nickles were dimes and we tried to act like the end never came. 
but I really couldn’t get you out of my brain

and I used to love you
and you used to love me
then we didn’t any more
so we set each other free
and it was strange how i ran into you today
on the other side of the world
and you told me i turned you…gay
I TURNED YOU GAY?

YOU SAID I HAD TURNED YOU GAY, WHEN I PEED ON YOU IN OUR SHOWER
WHEN I PICKED OFF YOUR SCAB AND I ATE IT, WHEN I POOPED ON OUR SCALE AND I WEIGHED IT
YOU SAID I HAD TURNED YOU GAY,
WHEN I PULLED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT AT YOU
I HADN’T SHAVED FOR 8 YEARS
 AND I HAD A JAR OF WAX THAT I COLLECTED FROM MY 2 EARS

YOU SAID I TURNED YOU GAY
WHEN I BEAT YOU UP IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS
AND I WOULDN’T WEAR UNDERWEAR
I WOULD ONLY WEAR DEPENDS
(WELL THAT DEPENDS)

and I used to love you
and you used to love me
then we didn’t any more
so we set each other free
and it was strange how i ran into you today
on the other side of the world
and you told me i turned you…gay
I TURNED YOU GAY?

SO I PUT YOU ON THE TRAIN
AND I SAID THAT I HOPED THAT WE COULD REMAIN FRIENDS
BUT YOU JUST FROWNED AND LOOKED DOWN AT MY DEPENDS
YOU GOT ON THE TRAIN
YOU WAVED GOOD BYE
I TOOK MY JAR OF EARWAX OUT OF MY BAG AND LET IT FLY AT YOUR EYE
GOOD BYE, GOOD BYE!  GOOD BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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DARTH Space In-vader (lyrics ) ©

I understand that you can’t get enough of me
How could you ever possibly?
You text me at least 26 times a day
When I tell you to leave you just sit, heal, stay.
I think that you think that I think it’s nice
When you message MySpace from space with your “advice”
I think you think I think that you’re sweet
You’re out of this world but you’re kind of a freak

We’ve had some issues communicating (no debating)
How could you ever think that we’d be dating?
When your spaceship landed in my swimming pool
I thought you were different and kind of cool
Till you poked and prodded me with your tool
I told you no probing’s my #1 rule
Now go back to Uranus, you space stalking fool
You Space stalking fool

(Alien DARTH VADER speaks to killy)

OH yeah? What you think is foreplay
I think is torture
That’s why I tried to get a restraining order
Cause when I told them about you
And the nights I couldn’t account too
They said I was loony cause I went to the moony
Just like Luke Skywalker I’ve got a space stalker
You’re my Darth Vader
You’re my Space Invader

We’ve had some issues communicating (no debating)
How could you ever think that we’d be dating?
When your spaceship landed in my swimming pool
I thought you were different and kind of cool
Till you poked and prodded me with your tool
I told you no probing’s my #1 rule
Now go back to Uranus, you space stalking fool
You Space stalking fool
You space stalking fool!!

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Clone U (lyrics) ©

WHEN IT IS LEGAL
AND SCIENCE IS FINALLY GOD,
I AM GOING TO CLONE U
AFTER I TRY IT OUT ON MY DOG
AND IT’S SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE
I AM GOING TO CLONE U

CAUSE ONE OF YOU IS NOT ENOUGH
TO DEAL WITH ME AND ALL MY STUFF
CAUSE TWO OR MORE OF YOU MY DEAR
WOULD ELEVIATE MY GROWING FEAR
THAT YOU’LL GET GOING
WHEN THE GOING GET’S TOUGH

LAST NIGHT WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING,
I SWABBED YOUR MOUTH FOR DNA
LEARNED ON WIKAPEDIA
TO PUT IT IN A ZIPLOCK BAG
AND HIDE IT IN A COOL DARK PLACE
I AM GOING TO CLONE YA

CAUSE ONE OF YOU IS NOT ENOUGH
TO DEAL WITH ME AND ALL MY STUFF
CAUSE TWO OR MORE OF YOU MY DEAR
WOULD ELEVIATE MY GROWING FEAR
THAT YOU’LL GET GOING
WHEN THE GOING GET’S TOUGH

THINK OF ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE’LL HAVE
WHEN THE OTHER TWO CAN DEAL WITH THE BAD
THE BREAKDOWNS, PMS AND THE SAD
WHEN I GET IN FIST FIGHTS, DRUNK DIAL MY DAD
YOU KNOW THAT THREE IS COMPANY
WHEN ONE OF YOU IS DUMPING ME
THE OTHER TWO CAN COMFORT ME

I AM GOING TO CLONE YOU
YOU ARE MY SCIENC PROJECT
I AM GOING TO CLONE YOU
THOUGH YOU ARE FAR FROM PERFECT
I AM GOING TO CLONE YOU
IN CASE YOU BREAK OR YOU GET SICK
I AM GOING TO CLONE YOU
IN CASE I ACCIDENTALLY KILL YOU
I AM GOING TO CLONE U
CAUSE I – LOVE – U!

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FAMOUS BABY (LYRICS) ©

I WANT TO GET DOWN, NO NEED TO GET ROMANTIC.
LET’S GET FREAKY BUT THERE’S NO NEED TO GET TANTRIC
YOUR GED IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
YOU HAVE ALL YOUR HAIR
I DON’T NEED A COMMITMENT CAUSE I JUST DON’T CARE

JUST WANT YOUR BABY
 JUST GIMME A BABY
SO I CAN GIVE IT TO MADONNA
LET’S MAKE A FAMOUS BABY

LICK MY TRAMP STAMP, ADDRESS IT AND POST IT
THERE’S A PARTY IN MY PANTIES AND MY EGG’S IS HOSTING
WE DON’T NEED A RUBBER
DON’T NEED THE RHYTHM METHOD
I TOOK A LITTLE TEST OVULATION DETECTED

BABY
JUST GIMME A BABY
SO I CAN GIVE IT TO MADONNA
LET’S MAKE A FAMOUS BABY

YOUR QUESTIONABLE ETHNICITY
YOUR GREENCARD AUTHENTICITY
UP THE VALUE OF YOUR SPERM
CAUSE THE DIVA WON’T GO WILD
FOR AN AMERICAN WHITE CHILD
SO I’LL CARRY YOUR BROWN BABY TO TER-ER-ERM

BABY
JUST GIMME A BABY
SO I CAN GIVE IT TO MADONNA
LET’S MAKE A FAMOUS BABY

LIKE A VIRGIN TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME
IF MADONNA WONT TAKE IT ANGELINA’ JOLIE’S FINE
CALISTA FLOCKART, YOU BETTER GET IN LINE
CAUSE ONLY A LIST CELEBS CAN HAVE A BABY OF MINE
FAMOUS BABY BABY BABY.…,

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GIRL BALLS (LYRICS) ©

YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY

WON’T STOPE AND ASK FOR SOME DIRECTIONS, BABE?
I’M NOT A RENTAL MAKES ME MENTAL SENTIMENTAL DETRIMENTAL
WHEN YOU DRIVE THIS WAY!  DRIVE THAT WAY!
YOU’RE LOST AND THEN YOU’RE FOUND, SEE?
DON’T KNOW YOUR WAY AROUND THIS BODY
DRUNK DICK TOO MUCH WINE!
 THAT’S THE WRONG HOLE FOR THE VERY LAST TIME!
USE YOUR GOOGLE MAPS BECAUSE YOUR PROBLEM IS  NOT MINE

GIRL BALLS!  GIRL BALLS!
DO YOU WANT TEARS OR DO YOU WANT TO BRAWL?
NEED A BIG STALL FOR MY GIANT GIRL BALLS!
I GOT GIRL BALLS!  I GOT GIRL BALLS!

I’M NOT YOUR FREAKING GPS, BITCH!  FIND YOUR OWN WAY!
I’M NOT YOUR FREAKING GPS, BITCH!  FIND YOUR OWN WAY! I’M NOT YOUR FREAKING GPS, BITCH!  FIND YOUR OWN WAY!

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ROCK BOTTOM (LYRICS) ©

ALCOHOL AND POOR LIFE CHOICES
I’M DRUNK AND I’M STONED AND MY SAUCED INNER VOICE IS
TELLING ME TO DO STUPID SHIT I WOULDN’T DO OTHERWISE
LIKE SUCKIN FACE TO 2ND BASE WITH MY BEST FRIEND’S MOM
SPIKING THE PUNCH AND FLASHING MY TITS AT MY NEIGHBOR’S SON’S PROM
AND KILLIN A MAN IN RENO JUST TO WATCH HIM DIE

I’LL KEEP DRINKING TILL THE BABY BUMP SHOWS
I’LL ROCK BOTTOM, HIT AN ALL TIME LOW
DRINK THROUGH MY INTERVENTION CAUSE I’M A WHORE FOR YOUR ATTENTION
JOHNNEY WALKER, JOSE QUERVO, JACK DANIELS, JIM BEAM

ROCK BOTTOM!  GONNA ROCK BOTTOM MOCK MOCK MOCK ROCK BOTTOM GONNA…

SMUGGLE LIQUOR INTO MY DAY JOB THROUGH MY TUMMY
YOUR WALK OF SHAME’S MY VICTORY LAP
NO CLOUDS HERE IT’S SUNNY
ON A SCALE OF LINDSEY LOHAN TO MEL GIBSON
I’M A CHARLIE SHEEN
WIN WINNING!!!

ALCOHOL AND POOR LIFE CHOICES
I’M DRUNK AND I’M STONED AND MY SAUCED INNER VOICE IS
TELLING ME TO DO STUPID SHIT I WOULDN’T DO OTHERWISE

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